9. my foul weather friend The last last meal the bastards they gave me After they tried to hang me twice A couple Warm beers and a plate of cold rice The same meal you fed me so many times Do you remember the songs we lived off? And the symbols that I fashioned Out of salt And the jokes We shared they were no simple squalor And the way it ended was no ones fault But you never winced at my most tactless aspects You were my foul weather friend Id laugh There was a season Where once we were lovers But That just wasn’t where we were at I never painted you in easy colors I never framed you in a role so crass Some people love just because they ought to But you n me we just weren’t built like that Oh what a fool I was To think I could love you When I couldn’t even love my own hands Oh what fool i was to think I needed a lover When what I needed was a friend No, it wasn’t cool All those symbols I trashed then When we were young enough to believe What we felt Like a fly in wine I never saw it coming And now I see it all too well The bastards hung me before I could tell you But Who knows if I woulda had the strength Some things you say just to know that you said em N some things r better left unsaid I only cried twice As I waited for the morning When that cruel Chasm would come to claim my ass I cried once fr the Patience you showed me And once cause I could never show it back Do you remember the songs we lived off? And the trumpet that I fashioned Out of an ugliness we clung to The fear I cherished then i think it was because you were possible and i didn’t think much then of a world of possible things And When you recall my tactless trumpet the wince there it’s like the carving sound a mirror goes wild for Tell me how the river guessed it Tell me where the rain was Proved The last last time that ever I slept well I guess it was with you The bastards hung me before I could tell you But some things hit more honest when you don't say them The last last time That ever we met up I got so drunk I can hardly recall where i left my trumpet the past gives chase i tuck into my warm beer and i dislike my typing I see yr face in every bite I guess I’m sorry for the symbols The last last time that's where you can find me now Those fucking symbols were like rats WHAT THE SUMMER STILL KNOWS Remember what we asked the morning? While the lakes between us hovered our Faces unsolved That summer was not the accident We both figured it would be But In this world You don’t get to love with the one hand While the other waits as if there were a music that you could not choose Look at me Some people are so troubled they can love almost anything But you and me We weren’t built like that Maybe I was right The way I feared my own nature But don’t you say some things they come too soon Or not soon enough And I know I’m greedy with my symbols And my hands they ask too many things But that season That ruthless season Is it all that much to ask you to just once look back? Do you remember what we asked the morning? God how I wish I had drank it slower How I wish I had drank it like I was the one being drank But don’t you say you don’t trust music That’s my line Look at me I built you a bath on my breast and i studied the skill of grass like how grass is studied by the dew so that i could make a room for your thirst But what is thirst? a virtue? I am not proud of this distance I am not proud of so many things Once I was proud of you Do you remember? Humanity it is wasted on us humans Listen I will meet you in the fields tonight And Yes I will be afraid look at me i am terrified of what i want and of what i don’t want Is it a worthwhile thing to feel safe? in a world as brutal as this? The way I’ve wanted you You know it's not the point to be wanted back If I was afraid of your touch would it be enough for you to find the weight in it? Do you see my skill in the bruise of now? how It’s not about being the same Or being different? You know there is such a thing as being right When you know it’s best to be wrong But don’t tell me some things come too soon Or not soon enough Don’t tell me my hands are shaped like some different summer As if that summer was just some strange And lazy experiment We can laugh about now When I held you then Was it like an accident? Didn’t you recognize in my face Something you had tried so hard To recall in your own? Something so small and so simple That you would never want To understand it? I wonder Do you remember what we asked the morning? Faces untied? Lakes unproved? Look at me I don’t have to know That’s not why I was there As if one hand could hide From the other As if there ever was a music That could be proved Don’t you worry about it now Look at me The summer knows The summer still knows